i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
