im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
