sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
