I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
