Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
