I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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