My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
