It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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