We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
