dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
