I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
