so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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