i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
