Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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