Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
