i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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