1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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