Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Randomize
