Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
