really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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