he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
PANTIES FOUND
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