You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
