They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
