its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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