separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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