I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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