She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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