I puked a lego.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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