GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
