Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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