She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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