There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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