Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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