Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Come share oat with me in your robe
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
