Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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