i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
