yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
