she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
