I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
