we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
