i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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