Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
