i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
