party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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