Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Houston, we have a blender
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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