I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
