And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
