he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
