I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
