honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
